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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29701053">circumstance and inevitabilities</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySilvertongue/pseuds/LadySilvertongue'>LadySilvertongue</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Spoilers, no beta we die like marco</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:34:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,296</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29701053</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySilvertongue/pseuds/LadySilvertongue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, they’re all just a collection of half remembered thoughts and memories. Nothing more, nothing less.</p><p>These are those thoughts and memories.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>circumstance and inevitabilities</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I got inspired by fics on here I recently read, + the anime is just at the cusp of exploding again in the next episode, + the wait for the next manga chapter is killing me—so… soooooooo…. I needed to write something canon-compliant-ish.</p><p>Chapters will be sporadic and will most likely be prompted by poems/quotes/from things that knife me in the gut with feels.</p><p>I hope y’all enjoy my drabbles—they’re purely self-indulgent. 🗿</p><p>Slight spoiler warnings.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <i>Marley<br/>
Two years before deployment...</i>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>March.</p><p>March.</p><p>March.</p><p>Pick up the pace, you pieces of filth!</p><p>Step, two, three, four… step, two, three—shoulder your rifles, drop to the ground, crawl through the mud and muck. Clamber over hurdles, break through obstacles, make sure to not fall behind.</p><p>A skid, a slide, and Bertholdt is on the ground for the umpteenth time that evening, moving through the sludge and being careful to keep his head low until he passes the trap above completely. Coming up from under the barbed wire course, he chances a glance down at himself and sees the pristine white of their uniform is irredeemably sullied now with how many times they’ve been forced to go face-first into the pit. They’re all going to spend the night scrubbing the stains out, no matter how futile, and in the morning they’ll get yelled at regardless. </p><p>Heavy rain pours down in sheets all around, whipped and stirred up by the wind so it cocoons and blankets him, blurs everything else out—and then it’s back to marching.</p><p>March.</p><p>March.</p><p>Right-left. Right-left.</p><p>There’s nothing but the rhythm, the mantra in his head. There’s nothing but the motions of slugging through the drills, the barking of their superiors.</p><p>Bertholdt can’t afford to acknowledge his discomfort. He needs to block that part of his mind out.</p><p>He isn’t cold.</p><p>His body isn’t aching. </p><p>His equipment isn’t ten times heavier.</p><p>His combat boots do not suction to the earth. </p><p>They march, run the course, and go right back to marching. Again and again for no reason, there’s no need for them to know /why/. It’s not their place to question orders—just to follow them.</p><p>When at last they’re told to fall in, Bertholdt is just about ready to crawl into bed back at the barracks. A furtive look around reveals to him that for the first time, all of them are in the same state. Porco and Marcel… Pieck… even Annie looks like she’s trembling. He doesn’t even need to look at Reiner. But of course, just because the drills are done, doesn’t mean it’s over. Their drill sergeant might be tired of the rain, but it doesn’t mean he’s tired of pushing them.</p><p>Bertholdt tenses as Commander Hoffman approaches him, only relaxing minutely when the imposing man overshoots and stops in front of the boy next to him.</p><p>His mouth goes dry as the man asks,</p><p>“Labor or beating?”</p><p>Bertholdt tries not to flinch. The question isn’t directed at him, but his chest seizes in fear anyways, and soon it’s as though he’s barely breathing.</p><p>Of course it would be Reiner, though—he’d fallen behind them too many times.</p><p>“Beating,” Reiner answers, and from the corner of his eyes, Bertholdt can see he has his shoulders squared, his back ramrod straight even though his voice wavers.</p><p>“Labor or beating?”</p><p>The blonde clears his throat and repeats the word more steadily.</p><p>“Beating.”</p><p>None of them are surprised in the least—after all, they’ve all, one way or another, discovered what choosing labor entailed. Bertholdt tries not to let the guilt gnaw at him when nobody offers anything, or moves to stop the man when he grabs Reiner by the hair and throws him to the ground. </p><p>The man lands a solid kick that has the blonde curling over his stomach, gagging and wheezing. Commander Hoffman rears back and delivers another.</p><p>And another.</p><p>And another.</p><p>And another.</p><p>He keeps going until Reiner goes limp, then promptly tells them all that they’re dismissed.</p><p>No words are said.</p><p>None are needed.</p><p>Bertholdt hurries over and helps Marcel hoist Reiner between them to take him back to the barracks. They all look even worse under the lights, shadows creeping across their faces as they move, making them look more haunted and severe than any children their age should ever be.</p><p>“What a jerk,” Porco hisses when they deposit Reiner onto Bertholdt’s bunk, wrestling the boots off of his feet in a seat across them. Bert knows it’s really bad if even Porco is mad. “He should get demoted.”</p><p>“Keep your voice down,” Marcel chides, getting to work on peeling off the blonde’s uniform.</p><p>“He almost killed him.”</p><p>“You’ll get us all killed if someone hears,” Annie says in a deadpan. </p><p>“We can get Zeke and Dr. Jaeger, they should still be here,” Pieck offers, cutting Porco off and moving between them to strip herself down. She sits in her own bunk, meeting their eyes one by one. “Commander Magath will be back tomorrow. We’ll be okay.”</p><p>That’s right… Commander Magath might be just as severe as the rest of them, but he has never punished them like that before. At least, not personally.</p><p>Labor or beating… what kind of choice is that?</p><p>Porco volunteers to be the one to get Zeke and his grandfather, and Pieck wordlessly follows after him. Annie shrugs out of her sopping uniform and heads for the showers. Bertholdt stands there in a daze, not really knowing what to do until Marcel waves him over.</p><p>He wants to throw up when he sees the bruises that are already darkening Reiner’s pale skin once Marcel has removed the uniform. The blonde stirs, and the sound that comes from him makes Bertholdt tear up.</p><p>“Reiner?” Marcel calls, tapping the blonde’s cheek. “Are you up?”</p><p>“Hurts,” Reiner whimpers. </p><p>“Porco and Pieck went to fetch Dr. Jaeger. Just hang in there.”</p><p>Bertholdt drags a chair over and seats himself beside the bed, patting Reiner’s hand awkwardly. The blonde is his best friend, but Bertholdt has never been good at offering comfort.</p><p>“You can sleep in my bunk for a while.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Reiner mumbles, grunting as he shifts to his side. “Still raining?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Bertholdt answers softly. “Hopefully tomorrow won’t be as bad.”</p><p>“S’definitely gonna soften up,” Reiner mumbles just as the door to their quarters opens up, Pieck and Porco leading Zeke and his grandfather in.</p><p>They’re ushered out to get to the mess hall and urged to get their duties done.</p><p>Later that night, after Dr. Jaeger’s visit and after they’d tried to clean their uniforms off, Bertholdt lies awake in bed on the top bunk, staring at the ceiling and listening to the storm continue to rage outside. </p><p>In the morning, Commander Hoffman is reassigned, and nobody questions why. Reiner is dragged out of bed to do hand-to-hand combat training with them anyways. </p><p>The rain is as loud in Bertholdt’s ear as ever... but maybe it’s a good thing.</p><p>Maybe it’s a good thing—this way he can’t quite hear his best friend’s sharp cries of pain whenever Bertholdt knocks him to the ground. </p><p> </p><p>- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <i>Paradis<br/>
Year 847</i>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Bertholdt doesn’t know how Reiner can look so at peace here, face turned up towards the gloomy, weeping sky, a gentle smile on his face as they both get drenched. It doesn’t make sense—but then again, not a lot of things in their lives have ever made sense. Still, this is different, because it’s /Reiner/, and Bertholdt cares about him enough that this new development is nothing short of unnerving.</p><p>They’re in enemy territory.</p><p>They’re masquerading as one of the devils they’d sworn to eradicate.</p><p>They’re on a mission that seems to have no clear end in sight—at least not one where they won’t go home empty handed.</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>Bertholdt doesn’t answer, merely shrugs and lets Reiner interpret it how he will. The shorter boy snorts.</p><p>“Relax, Bertl. Can’t you feel it?”</p><p>“Feel what?”</p><p>“The rain is softer here.”</p><p>He follows Reiner’s example and looks up, closing his eyes and feeling the droplets pitter-patter onto his cheeks. It still feels the same as any other deluge they’ve stood under, but...</p><p>Bertholdt thinks he understands what Reiner means a little bit.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><i>And not one will know of the war, not one</i><br/>Will care at last when it is done<br/>-  Sara Teasdale</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It’s 3am and idk what I’m doing with life, so I wrote this. But yeah, I rewatched a couple of episodes and one of them was the one about Grisha’s story, and the whole “labor or beating?” part got me thinking, and this definitely something that could’ve happened when they were kids. I kept imagining them doing hand to hand combat, and they gotta give their all, right? None of them want to face punishment like that when their commander is a sadist—and... yeah. The poem too. Rambling done, it’s now 3:35 </p><p>As mentioned, gonna be sporadic updates :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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